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Matt Chandler, Lead Pastor of The Village Church in Dallas spoke about the lack of honesty in churches and with many Christians. With humor, he addressed the seriousness of our insane tendency to wait to get help after everything has blown up.
“Without the cross of Christ, you can boast in your moral accomplishments which creates churches that look very much like Stepford wives. Where everybody is pretty and smiling and great! And if you notice in those types of churches, no one has small problems, everybody’s house just burns down. I’m not saying that their house actually burns down, I’m using an analogy here. I’m saying that no one ever has an electrical problem with the light switch and says, ‘For some reason this light doesn’t work.’ They can never have an honest conversation and say, ‘This switch is supposed to turn the light on.’ Everybody instead says, ‘MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!’
You don’t ever hear anything until the marriage dissolves, somebody gets murdered or somebody gets fired for embezzlement. You pick up on that? Nobody goes, ‘I have a lust problem, it’s kind of continual.’ It’s like they’re beautiful, they teach Sunday school, they… ADULTERY! I’m not making this up. It’s Deacon, it’s lead out in communion, it’s… 20 years in prison for embezzlement! There is never any… ‘Hey this switch isn’t working.’ There’s just… ‘My house just blew up!’”
It’s funny, but it’s true. I still have several “broken switches” in my life. I’m sure you do as well.
Many of us have absorbed from our religious experience the false belief that life consists of public and private experiences and the two should never meet. Struggles and hard times are to be kept behind closed doors and not to be exposed. It has become inherently acceptable to present one thing publicly while there is a different reality privately.
So the unwritten rule becomes one where you’re expected to attend church, bring your Bible, give your offering and be a good person, but leave your problems at home. Just say “hello” with a smile, say “I’m fine” and don’t get messy or needy “out loud.”
This has proven to be one of the biggest “Christian” fallacies that has devastated lives, corrupted Churches across the world and has tarnished the reputation of Jesus. It’s caused many well-intentioned Christ followers to resort to a life of “make-believe” and foster a perpetually disengaged soul, paranoid of being exposed by “Christian” expectations while fearfully hiding any hint of depravity for fear of “insider” persecution, acclimatizing to a camouflaged existence as if there are no sins to deal with or weakness to overcome to rightly reflect the life and character of God.
When we boil it down, the gospel is traded for a type of morality that, in reality, is a form of self-righteous. People may believe in a savior, but not the one that has power to save and to change a person’s status before God. This false-belief leads people to strive for God’s love and acceptance based on their own behavior, not knowing that these can’t be achieved apart from the grace of God and the work Jesus finished on the cross.
I don’t believe for a moment that this approach to life develops and manifests out of evil intent, but develops out of a poor understanding of the gospel. I believe it manifests in a persons life even further through the lack of having a genuine, Christ-following community in which to pursue holy living through transparent, vulnerable, loving and character-challenging relationships forged by extravagant guardians who battle to redeem everything in everyone for the glory of God.
To me, this is what church should be like. It’s what we, as Christ followers, should create and express in the world.
We all need to relentlessly pursue a deeper understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need to do everything we can to develop trusting relationships where we can be open and honest about where we are so that God can transform us into the people that rightly reflect His life and character. That, through us, the world will know that we are real and God is, too.
What’s your switch that’s broken? If you don’t think you have one, then you’ve gotten to used to the dark. Your house may be about to blow up. I pray it doesn’t.
What do you think?
Spot on my brother. I know your thoughts on community and I totally agree with its importance. My thought is really more around be honest, vulnerable, truthful and forward with everyone, not that you aren’t saying that. But everyone is so afraid to share themselves with anyone other than “close trusted allies”, but is that the same thing as the holy huddle?
But then aren’t we missing the chance that Jesus would use our life to touch others that are none believers? I think that “being real” with everyone, and being willing to share life’s struggles with not just close friends, but neighbors, co-workers, and business associates gives each of us the opportunity to truly live a life of contagious Christianity, to borrow the phrase. And while certainly going too deep to fast can be destructive to the process, I believe that getting outside of the fear of vulnerability and being willing to share opens up so many opportunities to connect with people and connect them with the love of Jesus. Everyone seems to have this fear of being judged, which I think goes back to not understanding the Gospel as you state. But what I see when I am vulnerable is that people relate to me better. They might not go share some issue that they are struggling with but that will move in your direction at least.
The key, and I am in no certain terms got this part licked, is to get outside of yourself. Oh I wish I could stay that way, but the times where it takes place it is like my heart feels like it is going to explode with happiness. When I dwell on self, as I do more than I like, I seem to end up in the place of despair. When I get to this point, in order to recover, I start looking for things I can do for someone else, which is mostly Nicki but to some extent the kids. I go clean something that she would appreciate. I call a buddy and go try and love on him. Something like that.
I love the focus on community and my thought is that it all starts with getting outside yourself.
Jason,
Unfortunately, (even though it shouldn’t) a lot of that comes through the leadership of the church. Good and bad. People who are newcomers on the path will likely mimic what they see the ones who ‘know it all’ do. People who are viewed as leaders in the church can set the best example by living in the light for all to see. The good, the bad and the ugly. It will encourage others to do the same.
That is one thing I always loved about you and Jenny. When someone asked how you were doing, you told them – even if the answer was ‘craptabulous’. And Jenny, well what’s not to love about that crazy girl!? She is a great example of how to break that stepford wife image and be real. She was a little crazy, a little loud, but always loving. That to me is in Christs image. That is what His church should be. I couldn’t agree with you more.
Angie
Broken switches? Sometimes I feel that my entire circuit breaker box is malfunctioning. Shame is a funny thing.
I totally agree with you that we should be authentic, honest and forthright with everyone. Sometimes we can try to wait for the “right time” instead of being open to the possibility that God may desire for us to lead the way in being it before we get to experience it with others. Trust is the key to having these type of deep relationships. Sometimes it does result in a “holy huddle” but not always. The HH’ers tend to be afraid of other people’s dirt and don’t do life with the “unclean” if you will. (Plus, most of them don’t realize they have any dirt to clean up!)
I’m with you on doing life and being real, but many people have to find healing through the truth and grace. Most of us need a community who can help the wounded find healing so we can get free from shame, get through the pain and take a few small steps before we can run. Fear is a big issue that you have found the freedom to press through. That’s what most of us experience on a daily basis in relationships and can relate to that in others very easily with not much effort and it actually brings hope to people that feel alone in their woundedness.
You hit the nail on the head when yo say that the key is learning to live outside of yourself. It’s the journey to freedom of soul. There are deep wounds that we must work through will care and understanding, but, for most of us, we would begin to find greater healing if we would spend more of our time and attention focused on loving and serving others. That’s when we may find that supernatural healing has take place in a way that we can’t even explain. God is great that way!
Thanks for the great insights.
I agree that a churches leadership sets the tone and should model life with God and each other. But, even on my best day, I won’t always measure up to the expectations that some have of me as a pastor. I’m not saying that my position doesn’t come with a different responsibility to serve, but not the way we live. It’s for every one of Christ’s followers. Sometimes we set unrealistic expectations on people, not just pastors, and can’t understand why they don’t live up to them. You’ve probably heard me say this too many times, but if we don’t do “church” like a family, then it’s not going to work. Healthy families, at the end of the day, through good times and bad, stick together and love each other through it all. That’s where we have to go.
for Jenny and I, we’ve been in church leadership environments where you just get sick of seeing all the hypocrisy and deliberate posturing to manipulate people. It’s a clear abuse of their privileged position. I pray that God will keep being gracious to us so we can keep focused on being ourselves and pursuing being genuine followers of Jesus. That’s all I can ask!
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words!
I think we all feel like that at times. People use shame to control. God took away shame through Jesus so we can be free. That’s why seeing life from God’s perspective in scripture is so important to our soul and our relationships. When I’m living with the understanding of how God loves me and sees me, in spite of my sin, my shortcomings and my past, I’m more inclined to love others without the need to have them think well of me. I can genuinely love them, no matter how they respond. It’s the power that God wants to reveal to us and be real in us.
Thanks for sharing bro!
Jason – great site. Thanks for doing all this. You’re awesome!
Regarding the “fix the switch”, sadly, I think we only see the evidence of someone’s life burning down because we never really knew them. I’d have to admit that for much of my life, I really wasn’t all that interested in letting anyone know me. I joined an accountability group five or six years ago and it was about a year before we really started talking and about three years into it before we were absolutely honest with each other. These relationships are priceless to me now.
Great insight and I appreciate you sharing your story. I think many of us have experienced this kind of apathy in our own lives and even in others with whom we hoped to have a deeper relationship with. We want to be known, but the journey to get there takes trust, transparency, authenticity and genuine love for one another. For most of us, it doesn’t happen overnight. I know a group of men who are international missionaries that have been meeting for almost 30 years. They shared with me that it wasn’t until about 10 years ago that there was a breakthrough in all of them that brought a new level of vulnerability and transparency among them. I think relationships become more valuable the more we invest in them.
Thanks for the encouragement through your story.
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